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April 07 My loverMy Lover came today, as if in a dream. He came to my bed and laid beside me, I lay still listening to his heart beat. He held me in my arms, his soft breath on my cheek. I kissed his lips and he kissed mine. I gave myself to my lover today, all my inner self, my very sole. I took nothing from him as there was nothing to take, but what i gave i cannot take back or give again! I gave it gladly with no expectations of return. It is his and thats the way it should be. I lay there etching the moment, the feelings onto my mind. Taking each second into my heart. There was no love in his eyes, yet mine were full. I would not let the sadness in, that will come another time. He will feel guilt and sadness, that will destroy the love, but that is the way it should be, I shall surrender to this battle of love. I accept the fate which waits, the empty arms and darkened heart, I had what I wanted for a second today. That is now locked in a place deep inside my sole never to be removed or spoken of. You see My lover came for the last time today, like a dream he has to fade. I have no strength to wait for his love to come anymore. With that parting kiss and breath goodbye, I said farewell to the love i'll never have. All i have is the dream of today, as that is what it will become and should be. What greets me tomorrow is a friend who i care deeply for, I have to let my lover go... Goodbye...I love you...forever a dream. xxx (c) 7.4.2009 Ellie /p> December 11 I guess it must be Christmas!Well here we go again, its apparently nearly Christmas!
Dont get me wrong I do love Christmas, the fact that its the birth of Jesus. But I hate all the other stuff that goes with it!
Most years I find it hard to get into the spirit of it all, but I do try for the children atleast! But this year I cant find the umph! to do it.
My brother in law has been seriously ill for many years and last week he decided he no longer wants to have dialysis! We can all understand this as he is in great pain and has no quality of life at all. Its just a shame its all come about as Christmas approaches.
I just cant seem to get past it, I of course will put on a happy face for the kids, mainly Joseph as kerrysue is old enough to understand whats going on.
Anyway, enough of my problems.
Just want to wish you all a Happy healthy Christmas and New Year with your loved ones. xx November 17 It just cant be?!!!!Well there is this nasty rumour going around that its nearly Christmas!!!!!!!!!
Have you heard of such a thing, fancy people saying that!!!!
Ok! I give in. I know its only six weeks until the man in red comes down the chimney!
Each year I try and work myself up into an excitement over the whole process and every year I fail miserably.
Dont get me wrong, I believe its Jesus's birthday and I'm all for celebrating that, but its all the rubbish that goes with it I hate.
Presents - trying to find stuff for people they dont really need and often dont want! Plus you spend hours shopping and you worry about a) would they like it b) is it their size c) will someone else get it too and then they will have two ... It just goes on and on.
Food - People panic - ITS TWO DAYS PEOPLE!!! but they have to buy enough just incase and by christmas afternoon were all over full and there's still half of sainsburys waiting to be eaten in our fridges.
Family - Now I love my family, but i HATE being locked (well ok no one actually locks me in but it feels like it) up for two/three days with the family. All being overly happy, having to say 'ooh Auntie its a lovely jumper thank you' and putting up with Grandad snoring in the corner.
Decorations - You have to decorate your house with lots of tinsel and cards that keeps falling down everytime someone opens the door. And dont get me started on the tree!!!
Then there are the games - for some reason it is traditional to play games at Christmas, it usually ends up with a fight because Mums had too much sherry the kids are hyper on all the sweets that are about.
Still the day after boxing day is the day to aim for cause then the decorations can come down HURRAH!!!!
This year I decided we would have a nice quiet Christmas at home just me Nick and the kids. There would be a few select decorations up, A few treats to eat but nothing silly. Presents would be what people have actually asked for and if not they just get money. We can spend the day as we want, watch what we want on the telly and feel no pressure to play any games! Sounds wonderful.
SO WHY THEN when my mum phoned earlier I found myself saying 'Yes of course we'll come to you for Christmas like we always do it will be lovely!'
AAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HUMBUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! September 21 Lost in AustenHas anyone been watching 'Lost in Austen'?
Its really good as its a costume drama with a difference, in that the reader is constantly reading Jane Austen's books and she finds this magic door in her flat and finds herself in Pride and Prejudice and the heroine Elizabeth trades places and goes into her life.
Its very funny as she has no idea how to behave properly in those times and is constantly saying and doing things that shock the gentle folk! Of course she falls in love with Mr Darcy (who wouldnt, he's always been my favourite hero). and he returns her feelings although she then tells him she has lived with her boyfriend for a year, which of course makes her soiled goods in those days and a bit of a hussie/tart. So he cant marry her.
Also because she isnt Elizabeth she ends up changing what is supposed to happen and the wrong people marry the wrong people and all sorts of things go wrong.
Its sadly the last one this week, but I have really enjoyed it, its made a nice change to have something to watch that isnt depressing.
September 10 Thong wars recommence!!Well there I was merrily minding my own business in the local Waterstones Book shop, when what do I spy but a novel obviously written by our dear one Cheryl aka Chief Big Knickers!!
 She has been googling herself as well folks so watch out I fear there is trouble about.
Oh and Cheryl! It is no good trying to disguise your car, I know its yours!!!!
 Mind you think you'd better give it a good clean you dirty girl you !!!!
MMMWWWWWAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OUR JOHNNY IS THE BEST!!!Well I know I havent been around for ages (hangs head in shame!). But things have been absolutely awful lately and I just decided that I'd had enough and what was the point in getting up anyway!
Anyway, I gave myself a good talking to and dragged myself up out of my bed and into life again.
Its good to have old Big Knickers back, as I have missed her soooooo much as she keeps me smiling and is a good mate!
She currently is being overtaken with kittens. lol
Still I was cheered up last night as I was watching the National Film Awards with my daughter. She was wanting Batman to win everything as she is in luvvvvvvvvvvv with Christian Bale!!! snigger.
I of course was routing for our Johnny to win bestest actor for his role in Sweeney Todd.
Well what do you know HE WON!!! There was lots of screams (mainly from my daughter as I jumped on her with delight!!).
Sadly, he wasnt there in person but did a thank you speech via video link. And yes girls he was talking to us when he said.
"I would like to thank every single one of you, shake you by the hand and take you for breakfast."
Well after me you lot can have him after we've had second breakfasts!!! August 16 its been yonks!Its been absolutely Yonks since I was last on here. Mainly cause my partner in crime (old big knickers herself) is out of commission. (yes we all know she's down the pub really!! snigger).
Well life keeps going on though. We are having the Olympics trust down our throats the moment. I wanted to watch some of it, but I never seem to be around at the right time! Mind you its got my lot thinking about 2012!
My husband could take part in wrestling (although I dont think they do mixed sex mud wrestling in the olympics!) My daughter could be in the 'moaning teenager contest' We'd win loads of gold medals at that one.
My son could be in the longest time without having a bath section, he is in training as we speak!
As for me I would be in the kissing contest of course, but I would have to choose my own kissing companions. Now who would I choose....?
So what events would you take part in then? July 16 Cheryl hams it up!!My good matey and partner in crime Cheryl Big Knickers has been absent from the Thong wars as she has been very poorly!
However, it has now come to my attention that in fact she has been pretending so she could infiltrate the Doctor Who Set. All this business about not being able to walk was infact so she could slip into a dalek suite and glide around and pinch the Doctor and Captain Jacks bums!!!
Wishing you a speedy recovery matey, and dont exterminate too many people! xxxxxx July 06 The Doctor is in! Well this is the kiss that all Doctor Who fans have been waiting for!
Except me that is!!
Dont get me wrong I wanted the Doctor and Rose to get it together, but he is only half the doctor not the REAL one! If you havent seen the final episode you have no idea what I am waffling on about have you?! lol
Still my daughter Kerry is over the moon with the outcome, even though I kept saying that the REAL Doctor is still on his own and lonely! awww
Look at his little face, dont you want to hug him and love him...
 So what am I going to do now on a saturday evening, no Doctor Who to watch.. I guess I'll have to go and get a social life otherwise its be really sad and watch all the re-runs!!
I have decided though that seeing as they seem to be able to make a few clones of the Doctor, perhaps whilst they are at it I could have one please? Oh, and an even better thought I'll have a Johnny Depp whilst they are at it!!
 MMMWWWAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! June 22 Life goes on changing!Well, My daughter is now 16yrs old! I still shudder when I say that, I dont feel old enough (look it though!!!) to have a child that age, and it was only last week that she started school surely?!
Its really odd, how new chapters in your life come up and grab you without you noticing them coming. She has just finnished her last GCSE and is now 'home' as school it over. Its strange having her around the house all the time, in fact if I'm honest I find it a bit annoying at times as I cant just sit with a cuppa tea and veg out watching some awful daytime telly without her wanting the music channel on or something!
Having said that I am really proud of her and the woman she is becoming. She is a typical teenager but she seems to make good decisions eventually! She has booked to go upto London again to see Panic at the Disco in concert again! I nearly died with worry last time she went as it was her first trip on her own with friends.
This time I am determined not to get so worried about her as I know she is more than capable of being careful.
...er....ok I'm worrying now thinking about it...lol
The other thing that has changed, or more importantly HAD to change. Is that I found out something very nasty about a close friend of mine. Now I have spent a lot of time with this person and confided in lots of personal things I've been through, and although we have had lots of troubles we have always remained very close.
But I have discovered that he has done things that I cannot forgive and for mine and others protection I have to stay away from him.
I thought it would be easy knowing what he is really like now to walk away, but I have been through so much with him and trusted him so much in the past that it hurts to pull away and shut the door to our friendship.
Even though I now realise that that friendship, on his part atleast was built on lies and for his own sick reasons.
Still I have a beautiful family and lots of lovely friends on here so I'm determined not to let him ruin anymore of my life.
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